October, 2021
Because it’s coming up on Thanksgiving, I thought it was high time to list some more things about which I am thankful. Long time readers of this blog will remember my post “gratitude”where I expressed my gratitude for, among other things, my pee bottle. I fear this post will rise to the same level of maturity.
I am thankful for the washcloth. But not the washcloth used in the shower. No siree. This is the washcloth that catches the seemingly endless stream of drool that flows from my mouth. I call this stream Waldo Creek. It most often flows when the LazyBoy on Wheels is tipped up so that I may use the pee bottle of eternal gratitude and the collected contents of the respirator mask, which Ronnie the caregiver refers to as Lake Hawn, spills forth to form Waldo Creek. Without the washcloth, Waldo Creek flows down my shirt, leaving little pools of drool in its wake. When Waldo Creek finally dries, its trail shows plainly on my shirt, upsetting my caregivers. The washcloth then, when attached properly, keeps my caregivers from being upset, which makes me thankful.
In order to work properly, a proper washcloth must be used. Dish towels are insufficiently absorbant, and Waldo Creek often flows down the towel, over the shirt, and onto my bare leg or crotch. Joy. Of course I could just use a bib, but that would be neither sporting nor dignified.
As well the washcloth must be attached properly or Waldo Creek will flow under the washcloth and onto my shirt, thus defeating purpose. Through months of painstaking trial and error, my caregivers determined that my drooping head forms a great clamp. When the cloth is clamped between my chest and drooped head, the washcloth stays in place as if it was attached to a clipboard.
OK, that was pretty inane. Let’s move to number two of thankfulness.
I have a love-hate relationship with the Hoyer Lift. You only have to read my past posts about the Hoyer, both of which have the words “Hoyer” and “Battle” in their titles, to know where I’m coming from. They take an awkward amount of movement to get your body into the sling, aka the cocoon of claustrophobia, before you your contortwed form goes airborne for the short flight to that other object of thanks, the chair d’ commode.
For all its faults, the Hoyer makes transfers into and out of the commode chairand, by extension, showering and toileting, aka the wash and wipe cycle, possible. With the right sling, I can be transferred by one caregiver, which is convenient because I have only one caregiver at a time. Which brings us to the Hoyer’s better half: the commode chair.
I’ve described the chair d’ commode in a past blog, so I won’t bore you with a repeat. But as uncomfortable as it is, it does make the morning ritual and afternoon constitutional possible. I guess I could imagine what I’d do without it, but I’d rather not.
I’m also grateful for movie streaming services. The best part about them is that they make Saturday movie night possible. There is no way I could deal with a movie theater in my condition. With streaming, there are whole libraries at our disposal. And we can tune in when we want and even pause the action when I am beckoned by the pee bottle of eternal gratitude. Streaming is truly the opiate of the masses. It’s a good thing that I can’t use the remote or you couldn’t get me out of streaming world. I’d never write another blog.
So much more to be thankful for, I’ll just have to save it for another post. In the meantime, here’s to you and yours during this season of thanks.
See you next time.
Embrace The Suck 
Bob:
I am thankful for your amazing writing ability and this incredible window into your world.
Please keep posting…..you are much appreciated.
Eileen
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bob you have a writing gift! You make me laugh. I’m also grateful I can Pee
With my family genetics it is essential.
I’m grateful you can use a computer with your eyes and write so we can communicate. You make me think about
A speaker that Once said to us = the audience That we are all only temporarily able bodied. I’ve never forgotten that. Oh Yes grateful for all the bodily functions that you described so eloquently. I’m thinking you should contact the Kleenex manufacturers and describe why their product is so necessary. Right now I’m grateful I have a space to clean before my sister gets here. Catherine is en route from Dallas
to see mom and I. And yes I’ll be grateful if it snows even. Thanks for family especially- love Marie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well Bob your latest post reminded me of all the times you Kevin, Big John and me would get together imbibe in some green leafy substance and laugh until our stomachs hurt about such mundane things as drool and pee. Love you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Guess we’ll have to come out with a line of washcloth ascots for the fanciest of PALS 🧐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bob, it was so great seeing you and your family last weekend. It’s been too long and was wonderful “chatting” with you. I’m grateful for your terrific sense of humor and how you made me laugh on Saturday. Happy Thanksgiving!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bob, I am grateful to have discovered your intellect, humor, grace and positivity through this blog. For some reason, reading this post today has me in tears, wracking, sobbing tears. If only every one of us could look at the all the simple moments and things in life and feel gratitude. Life is a gift. We can’t control the circumstances, but we can choose how we respond. Your response is inspiring. You and Laurel are incredible people, and I am privileged to try to learn from both of you. Thank you for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Grateful for you, Bob!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I decided to rename you, Sir Hawg. After your brilliant writing, acute insights, and unflappable spirit, you are truly the knight we would all like to be when adversity strikes us. Thanks for reminding us frequently what we have to be grateful for.
Bruce (Ski Hawg)
LikeLiked by 1 person
“When the cloth is clamped between my chest and drooped head, the washcloth stays in place as if it was attached to a clipboard.“ By far my favorite line in this blog!!! I have had many years of experience at the bedside taking care of head and neck cancer patients so I am very familiar with the challenge of capturing the stream of drool. I bet your caregivers are grateful for Waldo Creek as it challenges them to find new and exciting ways to use a washcloth😉 I look forward to your blog posts and marvel at your ability to entertain while providing me (us) a look into your life. Thanks for the reminder to focus on the things I am grateful for. Sounds like you are getting your money’s worth from your streaming services – both a distraction and entertainment😊 Thanks for the laugh – you do have a way with words!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Another great blog, Bob! Keep it up!
LikeLiked by 1 person