March, 2021
When word first got out that I was going under hospice care, the friends and family game of telephone went off like a social media amplification algorithm. St Laurel was soon reading of thoughts and prayers from well-meaning friends, leaving her with a WTF look until she put the pieces together. This prompted me to write my “Hospice” blog to set the record straight which, incidentally, was so popular I was thinking of posting it on Facebook. Feel free to post it yourself and save me the trouble.
The response from the hospice agency was unbelievable. Within what seemed to be seconds of receiving my doctor’s orders, they were on the phone with St. Laurel informing her the team was arriving in a matter of hours. St. Laurel got them to cool their jets and arrangements were made for the following day. It’s nice to feel wanted.
The first member of Swat Team Hospice arrived right on time. I expected helicopters but fortunately it was merely Team Hospice member respiratory therapist who was actually quite straightforward and knowledgeable about our situation. Team Hospice member nurse\case manager soon arrived. We were delighted when she told us she currently had two other pALS as patients. She then went through the extensive menu of the other personnel available to us. If I could still eat (and talk) I would have asked if a Team Hospice personal chef was forthcoming. I could see St. Laurel was going into gate keeper mode, saving me from doing the same.
Good thing too because St. Laurel later took a call and found herself double teamed by Team Hospice member chaplain and Team Hospice member social worker. We shared this story with our dear friends Betsy and Kurt. Kurt mentioned that when a relative of his was faced with a similar situation, he informed the chaplain that the chaplain was unnecessary due to an atheistic predisposition, and informed the social worker his quality of life would improve if the Niners would hire back Kap and the Giants would start winning.
St. Laurel was a bit more demure. She told them I was doing well, all things considered, and that she felt fine and well supported. She thanked them for checking in but informed them that a formal appointment was unnecessary for the time being. For the record I do plan on asking Team Hospice member chaplain for a set of talking points to use with St. Peter when I arrive at the Pearly Gates.
Since the initial onslaught, things have been reduced to a dull roar. Certain of the respiratory equipment has been exchanged. The nurse pops in to take my vitals and warn us that insurance may balk at reimbursing for both the palliative doctor and the hospice doctor. Nothing like full service nursing.
Thankfully Team Hospice is proving to be quite boring but with a plus: insurance funded exam gloves. Such a deal!
See you next time.
Embrace The Suck 
Hospice personnel are eager little beavers to get in and get things rolling!. Not because they think you are on your imminently on the way out but to get introductions done, assess you needs and St Laurel’s needs etc. I think that is a good idea to pump the chaplain for talking points especially if you are worried you will have to charm your way in :). Of course, I think you could definitely charm your way in on your own. The Hawgs video was fun to watch – regular skiis, telemarking skis, snowboards and all of you helmeted. It must have been hard doing some of that filming while skiing down behind the person ahead in some cases. Sounds like you all had wonderful times together. Loved the piano in the ski boots. I think I remember you playing sax in the Cupertino Junior High Band with Mr Hinds didn’t you? You definitely have a mastery of the key boards. Here’s to the start of spring!
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My mother Nadine’s encounters with the hospice chaplain were colorful to say the least. “Get the eff out of my room” was one of her milder responses. And I’m sure it’s Powdery Slopes, not Pearly Gates, so no worries. All Hawgs Go to Heaven, or so I’ve heard.
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