How to Speak When You Can’t Part 2

February, 2021

In my last blog on this topic, I described conversing using an eye tracking speech assistance device. I explained some of the techniques I use to engage in conversations. I closed with a promise to discuss responding to gun jumpers, communicating without any assistive device, and the dreaded “or” question.

A gun jumper is a caregiver who completes your sentence then acts on it without noticing that the completed sentence would have them do something completely different. For example, let’s say I would like the drool wiped from my mouth. So I start eye tracking “Please wipe…”. An ever attentive caregiver will assume I’m asking to have my nose wiped and before I know it I have tissue up my snout and drool down my chin. Moreover, my ability to complete my message to redirect attention from snot to saliva has been compromised by eye tracking laser blocking tissue and vigorous head oscillations occasioned by vigorous nose wiping. When the message finally gets through to the now flustered caregiver, I pray they change tissues before attacking my mouth. For the record the foregoing didn’t really happen. But it could have.

My usual approach to gun jumpers is to let the whole mess run its course because I’m generally powerless to stop it. I have to confess, however, to fiendish delight at watching my beleaguered caregiver scurrying about to complete a task which turns out to be unnecessary.

Communication gets even more dicey when I don’t have an assistive device. At the close of the last blog, I suggested you get in the mood for this discussion by tying yourself to a chair, gagging yourself, and getting someone to scratch that itch on your nose. This exercise will convince you that something else is required to let your needs be known.

That something else is the old game of 20 Questions. My caregivers have a list of questions that they ask me depending on the situation. Context is everything here. Asking whether the shower is too warm doesn’t make sense when I’m trying to open Door Number Two. The longer I work with a particular caregiver the better they are in asking questions. Regardless of their experience, they soon learn that the first question is always the same: “Do you have to pee?”.

Any question that can be answered yes or no is fair game so long as the questions are asked slowly and not piled on top of each other in rapid fire succession. It’s quite common to get a series of questions that require opposite responses. In that case I just stare at the speaker until they can figure out which question they want answered. Otherwise when I answer yes to “Is the water too cold?” but they have just asked “Is the water too hot?” the shower turns into an iceberg.

There is one type of question that never works and that is the “or” question. Try answering “Do you want one from Column A or all of Column B” when you can’t talk. My usual response is to stare at the speaker until they can figure out how to rephrase their request into a yes or no question.

A big issue I’m dealing with now is letting my caregiver know when I need a yes or no question. Problem is that I can hardly grunt anymore and anything audible is usually an unmatured cough. Lucky for me my caregivers haven’t yet learned to ignore me. Instead at first grunt they diligently ask if I need to pee. Just the yes or no question I was looking for.

See you next time.